Always and Forever

Always and Forever

Trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't think about what's going on with life right now. Playing with scrap kits and creating pictures just works for me. Writing in a journal also makes me feel better.  We all do what we have to in order to deal with the storms.  Yes Virginia, the struggle is real and there is a reason I chose a beautiful blue kit.

I love this tube by Alex Prihodko and have used it early in the summer in another creation. I wonder if anyone can guess which one it was? 

Cheers! 🍷

Current Mood: 😞

Credits:
Tube: Pauline by ©Alex Prihodko
Scrap Kit: Always and Forever by Tiny Turtle Designs

Hannah

Since Friday I have been very depressed.  I had taken my Hannah to the vet because she has been stumbling and falling occasionally on her hind legs.  I erroneously assumed her arthritis was getting worse, so I wanted the vet to prescribe a medication that is stronger for her condition, other than aspirin.  After a thorough exam which included blood tests, needle probing and muscle stretches, my vet dropped a heart wrenching diagnosis.  Hannah was suffering from Degenerative Myelopathy, common to the German Shepherd breed and known to us humans as Lou Gehrig's disease.  She wasn't sure how far along Hannah was and couldn't give me a definitive answer on how much more time I would have with my beloved dog. The vet did not recommend an MRI at this point, but stressed the need to keep Hannah as comfortable and happy as possible. There is no medication to deal with DM, it's not treatable and deterioration will continue. A suggestion of "rubber paw pads  or booties" was made to help her with balance.  Another small issue I had pointed out for examination was dismissed as being "the least of her problems" and removal was not necessary. Arthritis is secondary to the main condition, but a few prescriptions to deal with pain and inflammation and lots of love were handed to me. The office will call me in two weeks to check up on how Hannah is doing on the arthritic medications.

Quite stunned, I came home and tried to explain to my family what was happening to Hannah.  It hasn't been easy. To top it off, I really don't want to discuss the situation at all. I just want to shut it out.  I know talking about it helps with acceptance. Unfortunately, right now all that talking is not working its magic.  Go ahead and call it denial...or call it whatever you want...I just know it hurts.  Hannah doesn't understand what's happening and yet, she comes to me and gives me kisses because she knows I am upset, unhappy and hurting. She just wants me to feel better.

You might say to me...don't be upset, she isn't gone yet and enjoy the time she has left before God calls her home. Of course!!  I do plan on spending even more time with her, spoiling her with special treats and kisses.  However, the thought she will be gone sooner than I had ever expected has turned into a very deep and sharp ache inside me. The decision to put her down will be an extremely difficult one. I don't want to think about it.  I am trying to take it one minute at a time, one step before the other.  Yet, I have moments when I burst into tears thinking I will lose her one day. It may be today, tomorrow, next week, next month or perhaps within the year. The uncertainty adds to my depression.

Yes...I know all dogs die one day and go to heaven.  I just never thought about it occurring to my Hannah.  To me,  she is still full of life, chasing rabbits and guarding her family. There isn't anything wrong with her other than the occasional stumbling. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that her hind legs will be paralyzed.  When is the right time to say goodbye to my dearest friend?   What kind of life is this going to be for my sweet Hannah?

You see....Hannah is my best friend who patiently listens to me no matter what I have to say about life, people, work..etc. Always giving comfort when she hears that hitch in my voice and knows I am upset or not feeling well.  She loves sleeping as close as she can get, I can drop my hand down to give her a belly rub.  Very intelligent, she learns quickly and answers to my commands.  To this day, she still follows me around like a sweet puppy, never far from my hand, usually lying at my feet.

She is extremely protective of  her family and especially loves to torment the UPS man who has the audacity to leave a package on the porch or has the nerve to knock for a signature. Basically, anyone who comes to our door must face her wrath. Hannah loves  unconditionally, is loyal to a fault and defends us without thought to her own life.

Hannah...I love you today, tomorrow and always.  Thank you for choosing me 11 years ago. I promise to make sure you are happy, comfortable and loved until your last breath. 💓

Dark Thoughts

Dark Thoughts

Suddenly got the urge to do something with a Halloween twist.  Summer is a long way from being over and these hot days make me wish for a return to cool fall days...which in Arizona is late October.

Cheers! 🍷

Current Mood: 😜

Credits:
Tube: Dark Princess by ©Verymany
Scrap Kit: Autumn Solitude by Pink Paradox Productions
Mask:  Mask_Viv_0038 by Vivienne's Paintbox

Summer Reverie

Summer Reverie

I was inspired to creating this tag by thinking about the beach. Of course, wishing I lived closer to the west coast or perhaps the east coast? Sometimes I miss living near water and smelling the salt in the air.

Daydreaming again! 😎

Current Mood: 😏

Credits:
Tube: "Soft Breeze" by ©Verymany
Scrap Kit: "Summer Reverie" by Pink Paradox Productions

Flowers in July

Flowers in July

Weather is HOT here in southern Arizona!  Hoping for a break from the heat with a thunderstorm or two, but so far they have avoided this area.  Thank God for air conditioning. 

Spending more time working on tags, reading fiction and cleaning out closets. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the idea.  My closets are bursting because I have a husband who is a hoarder.  He keeps stuff that should have been tossed out years ago.  Shuuushhhh....don't tell him, but I am slowly making headway!

Cheers! 🍷

Current Mood: 😫

Credits:
Tube: "July" by ©Verymany
Scrap Kit: "Forbidden Island" by Pink Paradox Productions

Worrying - A Waste of Time

Worry

This is my mantra...what I keep saying to myself  when I first open my eyes in the morning. "Stop worrying about things you can't control."  It's a brutal truth that I find hard to accept. I really have no control over many things that happen in my own life, much less anyone else. 

To be honest, I am a recovering control freak.  I admit it.  I always think if I have control over every aspect of my life,  I can prevent bad things from happening to me and those I love. I always tried to find a way, solve the problem, make everything better, no matter what the cost to me.  It has been a rough road traveled to realize that nothing I say or do will stop the future from happening. A harsh reality that on some unconscious level I still have absolutely no lingering doubt,  I will be able to "fix the problem". 

Unfortunately, my agonizingly slow morphing into some semblance of recovery has now turned me into a "worry wart", usually about the same things I realize I cannot control. I always feel  I will find a solution, that I just have to "worry" it to death.  This worrying happens even when no resolution exists or is out of reach. Actually, I believe it appeases the "control freak" in me, as it’s feels like I am doing something about it when in reality, I have lost control over myself.  If it's going to happen, no amount of worrying about it will help thwart its arrival. 

Lately, I worry about what "might happen" if we do this or if we move there. A flood of questions that just clutter my mind, since I have no answers.  My imagination plays havoc with my vision of reality, which of course, adds to the constant worry.  It has caused many sleepless nights, a lack of concentration, loss of my creative spirit and left me with a very pessimistic attitude. Trust me…I have been there and back in my mind several times over and left with no energy to attack the problems I can solve, here and now.  

Sometimes I realize where my mind is headed and can stop the worm from taking hold....other times it crawls out of control. 

This struggle to regain my balance in life is a battle I am working on every day.  

Current Mood: 😟

Gaia

Gaia

Had so much fun creating this tag!  Barbara Jensen's tube is an exclusive, called Spring Fever. She is currently available at Creative Design Outlet. I followed a tutorial by Vivienne's Paintbox to create the butterfly effect. I am very pleased with how this picture came out.

Having a beautiful thunderstorm over us right now. 🌧  The welcome rain is a nice relief from the hot temperatures the last few days! I love this time of the year, as long as the storms are not violent and downright scary.

Jackie, hubby and I went to lunch at Red Lobster today.  It was quite relaxing to get out. Since it was a late lunch, I do not have to worry about making dinner. Yay for me!!  Currently working on another tag, my muse was on vacation for quite awhile and is finally making a comeback. This should keep me busy for the rest of the afternoon and early evening.

Have a relaxing weekend!

Cheers! 🍷

Current Mood: 🙂

Credits:
Tube: Spring Fever by ©Barbara Jensen
Scrap Kit:  Fairy Dust Dreams by Pink Paradox Productions
Mask: Mask_Viv_57 by Vivienne's Paintbox
Butterfly Tutorial: Vivienne's Paintbox

Honey I'm Home!

Mesilla Plaza, New Mexico

I traveled to Las Cruces, New Mexico to visit with my brother and his family shortly after the 4th holiday.  My daughter and I stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn, near the campus of New Mexico State University.  My family lives further north, off I-25, but it wasn't a long drive from the hotel to their home. We enjoyed our stay in this beautiful old city; the second largest city in New Mexico. I was amazed to see how much this city has grown since my last visit.

We visited the Farmer's Market our first day, enjoying all the various colorful stalls and goodies offered.  The Market was located on Main, and along with all those stalls with enough offerings to make my head spin, there were also the stores to wander in and out of.  As always, we spent most of our time in the used bookstore! Remember, I can't go anywhere without visiting a bookstore! Never fear, I did purchase a John Grisham book I had not read, (imagine that!). 😂  Later that evening we went to La Posta for dinner, a fantastic restaurant with authentic new mexican fare. After dinner we took a walk around Mesilla Plaza, where I took the above picture. The Mesilla Plaza and a number of its surrounding buildings are a National Historic Landmark District and a fascinating place to visit.  (Check out this link: Mesilla Plaza.) 

The second day was spent just resting and relaxing, catching up on everything that has happened in our lives since we last met, while my nieces took my daughter to the movies.

On the third day, we traveled to Socorro and San Antonio, towns where my brother and I lived as children.  It was quick trip, but I managed to get pictures of my grandfather's home and my great grandparents home.  Amazingly, with all the tearing down of old buildings going on in Socorro, I was happy to see grandpa's house was still standing and in use! My great grandparents house in San Antonio had been converted to a "bed and breakfast" years ago and it looked much the same to me. I am not sure it's still open for business.  To be honest, I was a little depressed at seeing both towns, they do not seem to be growing or expanding. 😔 

Juan Miera Home (Grandfather)

Solomon Baca Home (Great Grandfather)

The last stop before heading back to Las Cruces was to grab a green chile cheeseburger and fries from The Owl Bar in San Antonio! The best burgers around, hands down!  😋

We had such a wonderful trip, I was so sorry to say goodbye. We really enjoyed our time with my brother's family.  Hopefully, we will be back sometime next year.  I'll get to bring my hubby with me...he was salivating over that burger! 

Back to the same ole, same ole...😎

Cheers!! 🍷

Current Mood: 😊

Happy 4th of July

Summertime 2019

Wishing everyone a very happy 4th of July. 

Credits:

Tube: Summer by ©Alex Prihodko

Scrap Kit: "Beach Fireworks" by Pink Paradox Productions

A Trump 4th of July

Sparkler 4th of July

I don't know about everyone else, but I am not feeling very celebratory about our national holiday, the 4th of July.  Normally, it’s a holiday that I look forward to…BBQ, beer, fireworks and sometimes a heavy thunderstorm to break the heat of the afternoon. We used to have such great celebrations in this small town when the mines were up and running…now it's just another day off…much like a Saturday or Sunday.  Adding to my sadness and slightly depressive attitude is the fact that our current wacko President has decided to make the holiday all about himself. 

I try not to write about politics. I truly do bite my tongue many times and turn the other cheek.  Facebook turns me off enough with all the right wing people on my timeline. (After all, Arizona is a red state.)  However, this has really irked me to no end.  Forgive my temper, but...hey! Its my blog right? 

Each year Washington, DC celebrates the Fourth of July with a bang. I should know, it happens to be a place I am very familiar with, as well as New York City.   Along with viewing the dynamic fireworks show on the National Mall, attending the free "A Capitol Fourth" concert, watching the National Independence Day parade along Constitution Avenue or getting dinner before/after the fireworks at Georgetown waterfront restaurants, the Fourth in DC is always a wonderful and memorable experience!! 

Except for this year….this year we have TANKS! This is the very first time in history that tanks have ever crossed the Potomac!!  Everyone is worried the bridges (especially the Arlington Bridge) and roads will not be able to hold the weight of the tanks. On top of that, he's turning a non-political holiday into a campaign rally in front of the Lincoln Memorial FFS! Of course, due to his highness's event, the launch site for the DC fireworks show was moved from the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial to West Potomac Park, along the Potomac River. 😐

I read in The Post, "canceling a planned rest, the Navy's elite air show squadron the Blue Angels will do a flyover precisely the moment Trump takes the stage! They'll be joined by other aircraft, including the helicopter and 737 that transport the President and are known as Marine One and Air Force One when he is aboard."  Talk about making an flamboyant entrance! 

This shameful display, complete with a campaign rally, will be paid with OUR tax dollars!! The whole thing is going to cost taxpayers $92 million, $80 million more than estimated, even with the free fireworks. Even the National Park Service had to divert $2.5 million in fees which they badly needed to improve parks around the country, due to neglect and vandalism caused by Trump's government shutdown earlier this year. 

Historians tell us that this is what "authoritarian nationalists" do.  As Harvard’s Jill Lepore puts it, they replace history with tried-and-true fictions — false tales of national decline at the hands of invented threats, melded to fictitious stories of renewed national greatness, engineered by the leader himself, who is both author of the fiction and its mythic hero.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jill_Lepore  

Folks…this isn't about patriotism, it's all about politics.  In reality it’s a disgusting display of military might dedicated to a narcissistic and authoritarian nationalist, Donald J Trump. At its worst, it is a disgraceful abuse of power.

Trump has gone and taken the 4th of July away from me.  I will not watch if this tyrannical show gets televised.  Every day, more chaos, disruption, distraction and for me, total frustration.  What's left for him to destroy?  As Rick Wilson said, "everything Trump touches….dies...".

Please dear Lord...let it thunderstorm on Trump's parade. 🙏

Rant over...I need a drink...🍸

Current Mood: 😢 

Credits:

DC Fourth of July Details

Anthousai

Anthousai

Anthousai (meaning "flower, blossom") are one of the more rare variety of nymph, but also one of the most outgoing and friendly.  Anthousai do not fear humans as much as their other counterparts do.

Most are very beautiful and fair skinned and many years ago used to have flowers for hair. However, they have learned to adapt and make themselves look more like mortals. 

Like most Unseen, they can walk among us without being seen as something different. They have control over all form of flowers and tend to inhabit warm climates.  They are not necessarily immortal, but most live long happy lives sometimes beyond human years.  

Have you ever encountered one? You may have and wouldn't know it! 🧚

Just a little bit of nymph folklore....

Cheers! 🍷

Current Mood:  😪

Credits:

Tube: June 2019 Bonus Tube by ©Barbara Jensen

Scrap Kit: An English Garden by Mizteeques

Mask: Miz_Mask_129 by Mizteeques